I turned 30 this year. At such a milestone, one cannot help but take inventory of a life lived and decide whether you've lived up to your expectations and the expectations of others.(the "others" for me can be counted on two hands) I have to say I feel pretty dang good about life. I can't complain about anything worthwhile. I love my job somedays, my family every day and I am in good health except for my aching knees, thanks to years of basketball, absolutely no stretching and injuries I neglected because I refused to take pills...and still do.
You look back on your childhood and adolescence with fondness. You remember the good times and often wish for simpler days when you cruised the strip, blew precious gas money and just hoped a semi-attractive female gave you five seconds of her time. You look back on decisions that shaped you and your education. I was educated in the superb public schools of Georgia, which battles Mississippi, Alabama, and South Carolina for the lowest ranking public education system in the country. My senior year of high school, we were 49th, edging South Carolina by a nose. I'm telling you, I demanded a recount, nobody remembers who came in second, or next to last. I wanted the Class of '99 to make their mark, we needed that 50th place to etch our place in history.
"Hell you think your class was bad...you should have seen '99. Dude. Unreal." #winning
Unleash all the familiar stories. Teen pregnancy. 510 on the SAT. F's in Health and Team Sports. Students who care more about their cars and cussing out teachers than Physical Science. You know, the important stuff. Honestly, they haven't changed in adulthood either. I see people who can't afford their light bill, but by God, they got a Chrysler 300M with all the bells and whistles for a cool $650 per month. They can't pay child support but they lease a 63" television from Aaron's with 235% interest. I mean, really, what would life be without giant TV's and a false front of financial security?
**Sidenote: Seriously, what is it with Atlanta and Chrysler 300's? They are EVERYWHERE and people trick these things out and cruise around like it means something. FYI, it's not a Rolls or a Bentley, no matter how much you want it to be.
Anyhow, I am not disparaging my state. I am merely stating facts here. Anyone who attended school in Georgia would agree with me.
Here's another fact for you: I barely use my school education in the practical world. Other than simple arithmetic, grammar rules, and when Jeopardy comes on at 7:30, I'm at a loss. I am the king of useless knowledge and proud of it though. I can name all 159 Georgia counties without looking. Honestly, my PE teacher, Coach Henry Atwater, allowed me to shoot basketball the entire period every semester I was in his class. I would work on my free throws, post moves, shooting from the elbow and left handed layups. I have shot approximately 10,000 basketballs since high school. You know how many times I've been asked to solve a calculus problem since that time? 0.
10,000 > 0
See? Simple math. Coach Atwater was the man. I can still drill 'em from the elbow and my left handed layups are money. I couldn't tell you what "x" equals in an equation if my UgaSports.com subscription depended on it. Quite honestly, I don't need to know and refuse to put in the effort at this point. I never wanted to be an engineer or a computer programmer.
My most useful education came from Cass Grocery. As far as practical usage, there was no better place to learn. 1810 ran the gambit when it comes to reading, writing, math, science, health, law, and foreign language. Standing up there for 12-14 hours a day, interacting with the good people of Bartow County, taught yours truly everything I needed to make it to 30 years and beyond. I credit these people, along with my family and co-workers, in shaping the man you see before you in the present day. Here are some examples of what Cass Grocery taught me, correlated with public education of course.
Foreign Language:
A) Public School: "You need to learn a foreign language. It increases your ability to interact with other cultures. Now conjugate this, please."
B) Cass Grocery: The universal language is money. When one would feign the lack of an understanding of English for their benefit, I would simply increase the price of their purchase. Suddenly, their English was perfect as they questioned why their six pack of beer now costs $20. We didn't get ripped off and they knew we were not going to put up with lying, stealing and other such nonsense. Conjugate that, please.
Reading
A) Public School: "Identify the subject, verbs, and the predicate of this sentence. It will help you communicate effectively later in life. I swear. No, really. Y'all wake up!"
B) Cass Grocery: Once my Dad was working at the store and this woman accused him of selling cigarettes to her underage son. She handed Dad the receipt, showing the purchase of cigarettes, the time of purchase, and the date. She proceeded to dress Dad down, told him she called the police and that he was in big trouble. Her arrogance was palpable to be sure. My dad was strangely calm. Unfortunately for her, she failed to read the top of the receipt, which read "Cass-White Amoco, 1234 Cass-White Road, Cartersville, Georgia" and the time, which was 10:30 PM. 1810 never stayed open past 8:00 PM. There have been awkward moments at 1810, but this one may have topped them all. I'm talking "Finkle is Einhorn? Einhorn is Finkle?" awkwardness (+1 for Ace Ventura reference). The unholy tirade that ensued is legendary.
Math
A) (drawing a triangle) "I want you to find the angles in this triangle and calculate the area of said triangle. This will help you....uh, find angles and stuff."
B) Cass Grocery: (customer holding a PVC fitting):
"Hey Brad, I got this thingy right here that Daddy is trying to fix. We need a doodad that twists in there with a whatchamacallit to hold it in there."
(customer does hand motions for the twisting of the doodad and the holding action of the whatchamacallit as he hands me the fitting) I then use deductive reasoning (also known as picking up and trying every threaded fitting until he says, "yeah that's it") to solve his problem. No angles, no calculation of area. Toilet (non-triangle shaped, I guess) is fixed.
Science
A) "Keep your hands away from the Bunsen Burner, it is hot and could cause harm to your person. Y'all put down that frog! Hey, no smoking in here."
B) Cass Grocery:
Dad: "Hey, we just got a new shipment of Liquid Fire in. See the name? Liquid Fire. It's an industrial pipe cleaner with acid in it. Don't let that stuff get on you. It will burn clear through to the bone and I'm not driving your ass to the hospital because you were stupid."
Me: "Ok, Dad."
Law:
A) Public Education: "You should not hit people. You should not do drugs. You should not hit people while on drugs. You could go to jail."
B) Cass Grocery: (actual conversation I had when I was 14, edited to be true to form):
Me: "Hey, Bobby, you alright? I saw the cops at your house last night coming home from Kennesaw."
Bobby: "Oh hell, boy, you ain't gonna believe this. My ex old lady showed up drunk at the house, wantin' to see them youngins. I pulled out them papers and done showed her, you can't see the damn kids if you're drunk or I don't thank (think) its in their best intrists (interests) or whatever. You know how she is, that woman don't know nuthin (nothing) but two things: drinkin and pissin me off. That bitch got all mad and punched me right in the mouth. Then her damn boyfriend got out of the car. I told that sorry sumbitch to stay right whar (where) he was or he woulda got his head blowed off. I went in the house and told Momma to take the youngins to the basement. I got me a baseball bat and went out thar (there) and told her to take her happy ice (ass) on back to that dumpster she calls a house and don't come back here no more. She sassed me and crossed her arms and said her name was on the house too and she wasn't nowheres (nowhere) without the kids. So you know what I done? I baseballbatted (hit it with a baseball bat) her car, busted out them headlights. She said, "I'm on (I'm gonna) call the cops!" Call em! Call em! I said. Take me to damn jail. I don't keer (care). The cops come upair (up there) and started asking us stuff. I told I knowed mah (my) rights and I ain't criminatin (incriminating) myself or nuthin. So, they take me in for busting her car and damned if they didn't bust her for a DUI. Then they run licenses and pick up her boyfriend on a warrant! Sumbitch had three charges up at Calhoun for forgin' checks! Momma bailed me out. That damn car is still in my driveway, I'm gonna light it on far (fire) when I get home."
Me: "Dang. You need a pack of Marlboros?" (with a full understanding of constitutional and state law)
So, there you have it. For every calculated piece of curriculum I heard from my teachers, there was another lesson learned at 1810. I say that I definitely use advice like "don't never check a hot car's radiator" or "don't drink too much, or your old lady will divorce you and take everthang (everything) you got" much more than calculus, conjugated words, and the various forms of foliage that grow in southeastern Uzbekistan. (which is near Macon, Georgia...right?)
Disclaimer: This is no way discourages education, nor casts aspersions on my former teachers or current teachers. It is hard to mold (change and/or shape) minds that are already molded (rotting/covered in fungi).
That's a homonym. See? I learned something.
B) Cass Grocery: (actual conversation I had when I was 14, edited to be true to form):
Me: "Hey, Bobby, you alright? I saw the cops at your house last night coming home from Kennesaw."
Bobby: "Oh hell, boy, you ain't gonna believe this. My ex old lady showed up drunk at the house, wantin' to see them youngins. I pulled out them papers and done showed her, you can't see the damn kids if you're drunk or I don't thank (think) its in their best intrists (interests) or whatever. You know how she is, that woman don't know nuthin (nothing) but two things: drinkin and pissin me off. That bitch got all mad and punched me right in the mouth. Then her damn boyfriend got out of the car. I told that sorry sumbitch to stay right whar (where) he was or he woulda got his head blowed off. I went in the house and told Momma to take the youngins to the basement. I got me a baseball bat and went out thar (there) and told her to take her happy ice (ass) on back to that dumpster she calls a house and don't come back here no more. She sassed me and crossed her arms and said her name was on the house too and she wasn't nowheres (nowhere) without the kids. So you know what I done? I baseballbatted (hit it with a baseball bat) her car, busted out them headlights. She said, "I'm on (I'm gonna) call the cops!" Call em! Call em! I said. Take me to damn jail. I don't keer (care). The cops come upair (up there) and started asking us stuff. I told I knowed mah (my) rights and I ain't criminatin (incriminating) myself or nuthin. So, they take me in for busting her car and damned if they didn't bust her for a DUI. Then they run licenses and pick up her boyfriend on a warrant! Sumbitch had three charges up at Calhoun for forgin' checks! Momma bailed me out. That damn car is still in my driveway, I'm gonna light it on far (fire) when I get home."
Me: "Dang. You need a pack of Marlboros?" (with a full understanding of constitutional and state law)
So, there you have it. For every calculated piece of curriculum I heard from my teachers, there was another lesson learned at 1810. I say that I definitely use advice like "don't never check a hot car's radiator" or "don't drink too much, or your old lady will divorce you and take everthang (everything) you got" much more than calculus, conjugated words, and the various forms of foliage that grow in southeastern Uzbekistan. (which is near Macon, Georgia...right?)
Disclaimer: This is no way discourages education, nor casts aspersions on my former teachers or current teachers. It is hard to mold (change and/or shape) minds that are already molded (rotting/covered in fungi).
That's a homonym. See? I learned something.