So, the Dawgs were victorious this Saturday, taking home a 24-10 victory over the other Bulldogs from the "Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter." They were not as physical, nor were they as offensively sound as I thought they would be. They did try to start a fight at midfield before the game by gathering on our "G" and jumping around. Our players took umbriage and ran to defend our turf. I saw Jarvis Jones running, with his dreads flying in the wind, challenging about ten of them. That man is the Predator. I fully expected a tiny gun to appear out of his shoulder pads and barbeque one of them, ala Jesse "The Body" Ventura. He should barbeque some of our fans too, as the stadium was about 80% full at kickoff. You know what, though? I think the Johnny Come Latelys are all gone now and I'm glad, stay gone. Bunch of slack jawed......
Going with that theme, our defense dug in like an Alabama tick and didn't have time to bleed. Poor Chris Relf ran for his life all game long. They had no running game. Cornelius Washington actually ate Chris Relf when he sacked him in the first quarter, but not before he discarded their right tackle with a forearm shiver that would have made the Ultimate Warrior proud. The offense clicked with Crowell running like he stole something and Malcolm Mitchell coming up with great catches and runs that they could not stop. When halftime rolled around, I was feeling pretty good. 21-3 and they were looking more run over than Lindsey Lohan's mug shot.
The second half was like watching paint dry, offensively. In typical fashion, we played a vanilla offense and pissed away two or three touchdowns with obscenely conservative play calling. We play not to lose, instead of putting the hammer down and flattening them. We had a 3rd and inches and Bobo calls an off tackle run, which was stopped short. WE HAVE THE BIGGEST O-LINE IN THE COUNTRY. Our RB on the play, Richard Samuel, is 6'2 235 lbs. RUN THE BALL DOWN THEIR %&$% THROAT! We botched a field goal snap. Crowell had 7 yards in the second half. Murray threw two interceptions. A cacophony of bonehead plays and a frustrating lack of energy or urgency to make a statement. The defense was still going strong, however. Todd Grantham has got our boys playing like their heads are on fire. Nobody is scoring on us now. Nobody is running on us. We are picking passes off left and right. There is a chastity belt on our end zone and Grantham has buried the key with Jimmy Hoffa. Although I left frustrated, it was still a win in the SEC and you cannot look a gift horse in the mouth, I guess. I swear, after the game ended, Jarvis Jones started punching buttons on his wrist and killed two or three Mississippians. He is the Predator. Seriously.
After the game, we hung out in Athens to let traffic clear and I annihilated two pieces of pizza at Little Italy. Little Italy is near and dear to the hearts of many UGA grads and I am no exception. That greasy goodness only cost me $5.00. In Atlanta, it would have been $15.00 and I would have had to share space with Tech people, so it was a no brainer. Then it was on to the house for the Bama-Florida finale. During the one-sided affair, where Alabama gave Florida a Cleveland Steamer in their own house, Gary Danielson announced that Georgia is now in the driver's seat in the East, with Carolina losing at home to Auburn. (which made me laugh to no end). Woohooo! We are in the driver's seat! But what the hell are we driving? Judging by our second half lapses in the last two games, I'm going with a 1988 Ford Aerostar Van with a donut on the right rear wheel. At first, it ran well and served a purpose, but then it got too many miles on it and minivans became the butt of too many jokes. Oh well, I will take it if we get to Atlanta in December. We better be driving a 1969 Pontiac GTO when that day comes, though.
Then I got to thinking, SEC programs are like cars, they all have their own personality/reputation that is unique to them. You would never confuse Alabama for Vanderbilt, just like you would not confuse a Silverado for an Isuzu PUP. So, I decided to make my list of what vehicle matches up with an SEC team based on their performance/reputation. This list is brought to you by The Spin Doctors, Amy Grant, Sublime and Charlie Daniels (that's what is playing on the Ipod and I'm random like that, sue me)
SEC EAST
1) Florida Gators
The Florida Gators are a 1999 Blue Ford Mustang convertible with chrome rims and a vanity plate. They have always been around and had good years in suprts, but their popularity waned for about twenty years until they changed some things up (Spurrier) and they exploded. Everybody gets tired of them, and they are little bit redneck/obnoxious, but they are a pretty good product at the end of the day. It's just that the wrong people get their hands on them, unfortunately.
2) Georgia Bulldogs
My Dawgs are a 1973 Red and White Ford Gran Torino. It's a nice ride, and a lot of people really like it (a lot really hate it too), but it just cannot get itself included in the "best ever" categories for one reason or another. Thank God for Starsky and Hutch or this car's popularity wouldn't be anywhere near what it is. (1980-1983, Herschel, etc) It's kind of redneck but enough blue bloods think they are cool to keep it somewhat genteel.
3) Kentucky Wildcats
The Cats are an early 70's Plymouth Roadrunner with its trademark giant spoiler. They only show up once every twenty years and are really good (1977 for Kentucky) and then disappear for years. They simply cannot get it right anymore and their fanbase, while loyal, is tiny and hard to find. It's not a bad car and the giant spoiler sets it apart and gets it recognized, but that's about it. (Jared Lorenzen, nuf said)
4) South Carolina Gamecocks
The Cocks are a 1993 Honda Prelude with 280,000 miles. It's not flashy, it's not winning any awards and has no history to speak of, but it's been around forever and won't go away anytime soon. It has loyal fanbase and there are lots of them, but at the end of the day, you tend to forget about them. It's a decent car but you'll never hear anyone say, "That Honda Prelude is the best car on the road today."
5) Tennessee Volunteers
The Vols are a 1989 IROC-Z Camaro with T-Tops. It has a proud history with many great years but it has been taken over by rednecks and its reputation has taken a hit. One year, it's growling in the left lane on the Interstate and blowing by you, and the next year, it's on blocks in a trailer park in Ringgold, Georgia. It has a loyal following, 1/2 are rednecks who don't know what they have and the other 1/2 just wish for the good ol days.
6) Vanderbilt Commodores
The Dores are a 1985 DeLorean. It doesn't belong. It's weird. Most people don't know how or why it came to be. Before it can do anything great, it needs 1.21 jigowatts of electricity and Marty McFly. (a coach and lower academic standards) It was in Back to the Future, so that's a plus. (Vandy's in Nashville) It's the butt of jokes and will never be taken seriously, but doggone it, you pull for em.
SEC WEST
1) Alabama Crimson Tide
The Tide is a 1963 Corvette with a Supercharged engine. They have been around a long time and have a very storied history and most people respect them. There is also a large gathering of people who hate them. Their fans are loyal to a fault and are not afraid to gush over their accomplishments, and it does have a redneck factor in there. They've had some years that were better than others (the 80's for Bama and for the Corvette), but the overall track record speaks for itself. The body style has changed but the name remains the same.
2) Auburn Tigers
Auburn is a 2003 Hummer with a lift kit and mud tires (ironically used in their recruiting trips in Chizik's first year, go figure). It explodes onto the scene and is mega popular and then bad things happen, facts and figures add up, and it's gone just that fast. (The Hummer was found to be a gas guzzling money pit, Auburn gets probation every ten years) They are somewhat obnoxious and not always dependable but they are pretty tough and pass the eye test most of the time (Hummers are pretty cool looking, as are Auburn's uniforms)
3) Arkansas Razorbacks
The Razorbacks are a 2001 2-door Ford Explorer. They were good in the past but now they are only driven by meth heads and pizza deliverymen. (The Explorer was unbelievably popular in the early 90's, Arkansas has some good years in the 60's) Nobody really knows much about them and there is nothing much to tell, they are fairly nondescript (Explorers are pretty bland when it comes to vehicles; I honestly do not know one single Arkansas fan, never been to Fayetteville, and have no clue who their rivals are) At the end of the day, it's not a bad ride but there is always something better out there.
4) LSU Tigers
The Bayou Bengals are a 1994 Chevrolet Z-71 with Flowmasters and a brush guard. A loud and boisterous vehicle that always looks like a tailgate party could break out at any second. (LSU has the wildest fans, period.) It burst on the scene only recently as a go-to truck but it has been a mainstay nationally ever since. (The Z-71 really took off in the early 90's; LSU in the early 2000's after being dormant for years) They are flashy, arrogant and there is a major redneck faction but you have to respect what they've accomplished. It's always good to have a friend with a big truck anyway. (LSU fans have the best tailgate food, period)
5) Ole Miss
The Rebels are a 2001 Land Rover with a flat tire. A very nice, relatively expensive vehicle that attracts the rich and shameless (Ole Miss is notorious for being private school U, lots of guys named Butler Browning IV, etc) It looks dang good and drives great when running, but it breaks down constantly and the repairs cost too much. (Ole Miss has the potential to be much more than they are as a football team, but you can't argue with the hotness of their female population) At the end of the day, it's all for show and you'd be better off with another car. (They can party, they have a cool town but their football team will likely never break the mold)
6) Mississippi State Bulldogs
The Starkville Bulldogs are 1995 Chevy S-10 with a cracked windshield. A very nondescipt truck with almost no reputation at all and only one true rival (Ole Miss is the only real rival I know of, the Ranger is Ford's answer to the S-10) You don't get really excited when they are around and it has a small engine (I don't know who State recruits nor do I know any Mississippi State fans and they have a tiny stadium) Every now and then it gets some attention but overall, it's an afterthought as a vehicle (They have the cowbells and State had a couple of good years with Jackie Sherill in the 90s but has never really been in the national title hunt in recent memory)
I hope everyone enjoyed the weekend. Congrats to the Tide and LSU for being #1 and #2 in the new poll. As for my Dawgs, we travel to Obnoxiousville to take on the Volunteers. If we come out with a win, I'll be happier than Cam Newton's dad was when the bagman showed up at his door and said, "here's your suitcase, sir."
Going with that theme, our defense dug in like an Alabama tick and didn't have time to bleed. Poor Chris Relf ran for his life all game long. They had no running game. Cornelius Washington actually ate Chris Relf when he sacked him in the first quarter, but not before he discarded their right tackle with a forearm shiver that would have made the Ultimate Warrior proud. The offense clicked with Crowell running like he stole something and Malcolm Mitchell coming up with great catches and runs that they could not stop. When halftime rolled around, I was feeling pretty good. 21-3 and they were looking more run over than Lindsey Lohan's mug shot.
The second half was like watching paint dry, offensively. In typical fashion, we played a vanilla offense and pissed away two or three touchdowns with obscenely conservative play calling. We play not to lose, instead of putting the hammer down and flattening them. We had a 3rd and inches and Bobo calls an off tackle run, which was stopped short. WE HAVE THE BIGGEST O-LINE IN THE COUNTRY. Our RB on the play, Richard Samuel, is 6'2 235 lbs. RUN THE BALL DOWN THEIR %&$% THROAT! We botched a field goal snap. Crowell had 7 yards in the second half. Murray threw two interceptions. A cacophony of bonehead plays and a frustrating lack of energy or urgency to make a statement. The defense was still going strong, however. Todd Grantham has got our boys playing like their heads are on fire. Nobody is scoring on us now. Nobody is running on us. We are picking passes off left and right. There is a chastity belt on our end zone and Grantham has buried the key with Jimmy Hoffa. Although I left frustrated, it was still a win in the SEC and you cannot look a gift horse in the mouth, I guess. I swear, after the game ended, Jarvis Jones started punching buttons on his wrist and killed two or three Mississippians. He is the Predator. Seriously.
After the game, we hung out in Athens to let traffic clear and I annihilated two pieces of pizza at Little Italy. Little Italy is near and dear to the hearts of many UGA grads and I am no exception. That greasy goodness only cost me $5.00. In Atlanta, it would have been $15.00 and I would have had to share space with Tech people, so it was a no brainer. Then it was on to the house for the Bama-Florida finale. During the one-sided affair, where Alabama gave Florida a Cleveland Steamer in their own house, Gary Danielson announced that Georgia is now in the driver's seat in the East, with Carolina losing at home to Auburn. (which made me laugh to no end). Woohooo! We are in the driver's seat! But what the hell are we driving? Judging by our second half lapses in the last two games, I'm going with a 1988 Ford Aerostar Van with a donut on the right rear wheel. At first, it ran well and served a purpose, but then it got too many miles on it and minivans became the butt of too many jokes. Oh well, I will take it if we get to Atlanta in December. We better be driving a 1969 Pontiac GTO when that day comes, though.
Then I got to thinking, SEC programs are like cars, they all have their own personality/reputation that is unique to them. You would never confuse Alabama for Vanderbilt, just like you would not confuse a Silverado for an Isuzu PUP. So, I decided to make my list of what vehicle matches up with an SEC team based on their performance/reputation. This list is brought to you by The Spin Doctors, Amy Grant, Sublime and Charlie Daniels (that's what is playing on the Ipod and I'm random like that, sue me)
SEC EAST
1) Florida Gators
The Florida Gators are a 1999 Blue Ford Mustang convertible with chrome rims and a vanity plate. They have always been around and had good years in suprts, but their popularity waned for about twenty years until they changed some things up (Spurrier) and they exploded. Everybody gets tired of them, and they are little bit redneck/obnoxious, but they are a pretty good product at the end of the day. It's just that the wrong people get their hands on them, unfortunately.
2) Georgia Bulldogs
My Dawgs are a 1973 Red and White Ford Gran Torino. It's a nice ride, and a lot of people really like it (a lot really hate it too), but it just cannot get itself included in the "best ever" categories for one reason or another. Thank God for Starsky and Hutch or this car's popularity wouldn't be anywhere near what it is. (1980-1983, Herschel, etc) It's kind of redneck but enough blue bloods think they are cool to keep it somewhat genteel.
3) Kentucky Wildcats
The Cats are an early 70's Plymouth Roadrunner with its trademark giant spoiler. They only show up once every twenty years and are really good (1977 for Kentucky) and then disappear for years. They simply cannot get it right anymore and their fanbase, while loyal, is tiny and hard to find. It's not a bad car and the giant spoiler sets it apart and gets it recognized, but that's about it. (Jared Lorenzen, nuf said)
4) South Carolina Gamecocks
The Cocks are a 1993 Honda Prelude with 280,000 miles. It's not flashy, it's not winning any awards and has no history to speak of, but it's been around forever and won't go away anytime soon. It has loyal fanbase and there are lots of them, but at the end of the day, you tend to forget about them. It's a decent car but you'll never hear anyone say, "That Honda Prelude is the best car on the road today."
5) Tennessee Volunteers
The Vols are a 1989 IROC-Z Camaro with T-Tops. It has a proud history with many great years but it has been taken over by rednecks and its reputation has taken a hit. One year, it's growling in the left lane on the Interstate and blowing by you, and the next year, it's on blocks in a trailer park in Ringgold, Georgia. It has a loyal following, 1/2 are rednecks who don't know what they have and the other 1/2 just wish for the good ol days.
6) Vanderbilt Commodores
The Dores are a 1985 DeLorean. It doesn't belong. It's weird. Most people don't know how or why it came to be. Before it can do anything great, it needs 1.21 jigowatts of electricity and Marty McFly. (a coach and lower academic standards) It was in Back to the Future, so that's a plus. (Vandy's in Nashville) It's the butt of jokes and will never be taken seriously, but doggone it, you pull for em.
SEC WEST
1) Alabama Crimson Tide
The Tide is a 1963 Corvette with a Supercharged engine. They have been around a long time and have a very storied history and most people respect them. There is also a large gathering of people who hate them. Their fans are loyal to a fault and are not afraid to gush over their accomplishments, and it does have a redneck factor in there. They've had some years that were better than others (the 80's for Bama and for the Corvette), but the overall track record speaks for itself. The body style has changed but the name remains the same.
2) Auburn Tigers
Auburn is a 2003 Hummer with a lift kit and mud tires (ironically used in their recruiting trips in Chizik's first year, go figure). It explodes onto the scene and is mega popular and then bad things happen, facts and figures add up, and it's gone just that fast. (The Hummer was found to be a gas guzzling money pit, Auburn gets probation every ten years) They are somewhat obnoxious and not always dependable but they are pretty tough and pass the eye test most of the time (Hummers are pretty cool looking, as are Auburn's uniforms)
3) Arkansas Razorbacks
The Razorbacks are a 2001 2-door Ford Explorer. They were good in the past but now they are only driven by meth heads and pizza deliverymen. (The Explorer was unbelievably popular in the early 90's, Arkansas has some good years in the 60's) Nobody really knows much about them and there is nothing much to tell, they are fairly nondescript (Explorers are pretty bland when it comes to vehicles; I honestly do not know one single Arkansas fan, never been to Fayetteville, and have no clue who their rivals are) At the end of the day, it's not a bad ride but there is always something better out there.
4) LSU Tigers
The Bayou Bengals are a 1994 Chevrolet Z-71 with Flowmasters and a brush guard. A loud and boisterous vehicle that always looks like a tailgate party could break out at any second. (LSU has the wildest fans, period.) It burst on the scene only recently as a go-to truck but it has been a mainstay nationally ever since. (The Z-71 really took off in the early 90's; LSU in the early 2000's after being dormant for years) They are flashy, arrogant and there is a major redneck faction but you have to respect what they've accomplished. It's always good to have a friend with a big truck anyway. (LSU fans have the best tailgate food, period)
5) Ole Miss
The Rebels are a 2001 Land Rover with a flat tire. A very nice, relatively expensive vehicle that attracts the rich and shameless (Ole Miss is notorious for being private school U, lots of guys named Butler Browning IV, etc) It looks dang good and drives great when running, but it breaks down constantly and the repairs cost too much. (Ole Miss has the potential to be much more than they are as a football team, but you can't argue with the hotness of their female population) At the end of the day, it's all for show and you'd be better off with another car. (They can party, they have a cool town but their football team will likely never break the mold)
6) Mississippi State Bulldogs
The Starkville Bulldogs are 1995 Chevy S-10 with a cracked windshield. A very nondescipt truck with almost no reputation at all and only one true rival (Ole Miss is the only real rival I know of, the Ranger is Ford's answer to the S-10) You don't get really excited when they are around and it has a small engine (I don't know who State recruits nor do I know any Mississippi State fans and they have a tiny stadium) Every now and then it gets some attention but overall, it's an afterthought as a vehicle (They have the cowbells and State had a couple of good years with Jackie Sherill in the 90s but has never really been in the national title hunt in recent memory)
I hope everyone enjoyed the weekend. Congrats to the Tide and LSU for being #1 and #2 in the new poll. As for my Dawgs, we travel to Obnoxiousville to take on the Volunteers. If we come out with a win, I'll be happier than Cam Newton's dad was when the bagman showed up at his door and said, "here's your suitcase, sir."